I Wish Someone Had Told Me ....

This may become a sort of ongoing series, but there are a number of things that I wish someone had told me before I embarked on this journey called parenting.

One is that no one ever told me that your labor pain wasn't over just because the baby was out ... (Moms will understand).

Another is that sometimes,

your little bebes that you've nurtured and cared for and love more than anything in the world ...

are going to hate you.

I mean really hate you.

I mean the "I wish you were dead" kind of hatred (although, hopefully, they won't say that aloud where you can hear it).

They will look like this:

and you will feel like this:

They may only hate you for five minutes (sometimes less).  They may hate you for a while and simmer with resentment the entire time that they are grounded for some transgression.  But it WILL happen.  

It doesn't matter if you're the most understanding, patient, loving parent in the world.  Believe me, the first few times it happens, you're going to FEEL like the WORST parent in the world. 

Take it from me, you're not.

Why do I bring this up now?  

Well, TWO times this week I have been hated by my children.  As Not-So-Bebe Girl Autumn walked away after a reprimand, I could hear (under her breath, of course), "I can't wait ...."  I finished the statement in my head, "until I'm 18 so I can get OUT of here!"

Bebe Boy James has limited gaming time, as all of my children have had.  When his hour was up, of course, he didn't want to stop playing.  Being the stern disciplinarian that I am (not really), I said, "No, dude!  You have to get off now!"  (The reasoning is that I'd LIKE my children to actually INTERACT with the rest of the fam - you don't get that while you're staring at a screen and racing cars/skateboarding/beating up aliens).

As he walked out of the room and through the kitchen, he said (and THIS was NOT under his breath), "I wish I lived in a different family!  I don't LIKE this family!!".  In my earlier parenting years, I probably would have said, "Well, right now, I don't like you either, buddy!" (SO not the right answer!!!)

Now that I'm a bit more mellow, I've changed my tactics.  So what I ACTUALLY said was, "That's OK.  We love you anyway".  Did that work?  Well, not right away, since he repeated what he had already said.  

And I repeated what I had said.  

And he walked out of the back door to sit on the steps and stew.  

After a while, I heard him crying.  A little while later, he came in and hugged me and said, "I'm sorry that I was mean to you".

Which just goes to show that sometimes a little parental guilt trip works.

So, now, let me lay a lil' wisdom on ya.  I don't claim to know EVERYthing about parenting.  Believe me, I've been doing it for 26 years and still have a lot to learn.  But one thing I DO know is this:

If your kids never hate you, then you're not doing something right.  

I've raised two daughters to adulthood already.  Many was the time that they hated me.  Other parents were cooler: they did more for their kids, they allowed them to go wherever whenever - the list goes on.

Now that they are grown up, they have both come to me and apologized for what they put me through when they were teenagers.  They have also told me how much they appreciated that I gave them the limits that I did and made them earn their stripes a bit, because it's taught them to work hard and they understand that, even now, they can't just do what they want when they want to do it if they're going to consider themselves responsible adults.

So I must have done SOMEthing right. 

Rinse and repeat ...

If your kids never hate you, then you're not doing something right.

Earth Day 2010 - a Pictorial Journey Through a Real Mom's Eyes

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Walking from Bebe Boy James' school to pick up two of the grandbebe girls ...

"What are you reading, buddy?"

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A map!  OK, then, let's go get the girls!

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This is for you, Gigi!

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On to the park, which was kind of lonely and empty.

Gigi, you KNOW I'm not really in the mood for this today!

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Then Grandbebe Girl Amira's friends came:

and fun was had by all!

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 Grandbebe Girl Makayla made some new friends:

and she even got a 'flower':

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On the way home, a spot of urban beauty:

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"But, Mom!  I just wanted to taste them to see if I could get the pollen and the honey out!":

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Home again!  Craft time!  I wanted to make these:

Photo credit: Kaboose.com

with pretty little paper wrapped around the bottom to dress them up.  But .. WHERE did my seeds go?

Just as well, since I only had two soda bottles and ended up with three craftmakers.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

So we decided to make these instead:

Photo credit: Kaboose.com

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But they turned out looking like these:

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Pretty pathetic-looking.  But the children were pleased with themselves.

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I had a horrid mess of crayon shavings and what-not to clean.


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So I used some toxic chemicals to make everything shiny and bright again.

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and THAT was our Earth Day!

So you thought this was only about knitting?

I didn't realize how long it had been since my last post.  Life sometimes gets in the way.  I don't know how mommy bloggers accomplish it - I only have my grandchildren part-time and, believe me, they seem to take almost every minute!  When my children are around, I have homework to help with; books to read, games to play ... getting to the computer to write about my random thoughts and such .. well, I generally say to myself, "I'll do it when they get to bed" .. but then I'm too tired to put together a coherent thought!  :)

So the title of my blog is "Knitting and Sundries" .. I'll bet you thought it would be full of knitting esoterica and pretty pictures like this:

GAIL (aka Nightsongs) designed by Jane Araujo 

Knit by me in Araucania Itata Multy

Design available as a free download on Ravelry

So why have I let my blog just sit here?

I started this blog almost a year ago with the intent to post updates on my life, knitting, and observations.

But I haven't

done

ANY

of

that.

So ... starting today, I will be talking to you. About .. well, everything. My life, family, and self. Hobbies, cooking, reviews, and tips; whatever strikes my fancy that day. :) I will always tell you the truth, albeit a subjective one, like all truths.

What do I mean by that? Well, for instance, right now, I've been basically unemployed for over two years. That means that we are really really really broke. I lost (in storage) or sold almost all of my prized possessions (for me, that means most of my kitchen stuff - my Pfaltzgraff dinnerware, my stemware, my stand mixer, my lovely Calphalon pots and pans! I miss them every day!) I had to move into an apartment smaller than any I've ever lived in, and we have just enough money coming in to pay for basics and no extras. That means no cable (I really really miss MSNBC - love Keith Olbermann - he's over the top sometimes, but he rocks my socks. I also miss Nancy Grace, who was a guilty pleasure of mine ever since I stayed at a friend's house in Washington, D.C. when I was attending or presenting or both [I honestly don't remember, because I've visited often, but never even had a chance to sightsee] a series of workshops on various social issues: minimum wage, etc. I watched Nancy Grace with her, and, somehow, I just got hooked).

Now, I COULD say, "Our life is horrible right now. We're really really poor and I live in a crappy apartment in a crappy neighborhood. I did what I was supposed to (go to school, work my butt off, etc.) But now, when I should have been settled and financially stable, I struggle to pay for the basics, and life sucks." (and, the truth is, that sometimes I DO feel this way, but then I slap myself out of it).

Right now, we have downsized to just the essentials. I'm hoping that when things swing back together, I'll finally have the sense to set aside enough money each paycheck that if I need it, it will be there. If I've been able to get by for this long with this little, I can find a way to put money aside. I'm about 98% certain that I can do that (but, that first paycheck .. forGET it! Hoo, baby! I'm heading out to Marshall's or T J Maxx and buying myself a gorgeous outfit and then some shoes, accessories, jewelry and a purse to go with it. I'm tired of living in stretch pants and tee shirts :)

But, the truth is, my own actions and inactions are what put me in this position. There were doors opened that I didn't walk through, and opportunities presented throughout my life that I didn't take. I lived paycheck to paycheck because I wasn't sensible with my money, and when live threw me a curveball, it hit me dead in the face and I fell to the ground, because I wasn't paying attention.

The truth is, that even though we don't have much money and our apartment is teeny tiny, it's a decent apartment. The neighborhood we live in is not one I would have chosen before, but it's really not a horrible neighborhood. We always have food (although there was a period of time when I was going hungry to make certain the kids ate - I can make $10 in food last for 3 days - no lie!), there's soap and bathroom tissue and dishwashing liquid - we don't go without anything that's absolutely necessary.

Could I have pictured us living this way three years ago? Well, no .. but I look around and see people who are MUCH worse off than we are. And then I look at people like our Haitian neighbors, even before the earthquake .. and realize that it's all relative. It really IS in how you look at it.

So, now that I've done all that rambling, I will leave you for tonight and come back in a day or so.

Peace and Blessings.